The picture you see here is called "Bisquick Butterscotch Cookies". It was supposed to be a cookie square that tasted like pancakes and butterscotch. The top burned black within 3 minutes of baking, but the batter didn't harden until 30 minutes. I tried to google an image of what quality BB cookies looked like but the internet was strangely silent.

Here is my challenge, google the recipe "Bisquick Butterscotch cookies" and try to make them without burning the top and somehow fully cooking the batter. The recipe gives you 45 minutes in a convection oven, but I am sure it will burn much faster. If you manage to bake this miracle I want you to try these equally difficult tasks.

1. Walking on water
2. Solving a rubiks cube after putting your hand in ice water for a minute
3. Sitting through a decent Disney sitcom for children and enjoying it
4. Find someone in a Hot Topics, wearing a retro 80's shirt who was actually born in the 80's
5. Eating a spoonful of cinnamon
6. Finding a Myspace page without a floozy dating ad on it.
7. Hooking up a printer on Vista without getting an error message.
8. Justify a healthy reason to watch E!
9. Look for a flair without a love smitten Edward Cullen message
10. Perform a swedish message in your office without any negative allegations
11. Understand a woman in a relationship
12. Tell her she is fat in that dress and have her end up smiling
13. Tell a 5th grade boy to hold still and have him comply
14. Watch an episode of Grey's Anatomy without sex, gossip and overacting

The Nursery Chronicles

The Nursery Chronicles
Uncovering the golden goose of truth

Humpty Dumpty: Fell or Pushed?
The NY Times was quick to diagnose that Mr. Dumpty was sitting on a non-compliant OSHA wall and that his fall was purely accidental. I find that to be too easy of an answer. First of all, Dumpty had been sitting on walls for over twelve years--why fall now? Was the wall really that broken for him to fall? How can we put into the equation that Dumpty was also part of an Eggland's Best farmer scam that cheated a lot of roosters out of making good eggs?

How deep does this go, you ask? Take note that All the King's horses and all the King's men conveniently forgot how to put Humpty Dumpty together again. They showed up late, forgot proper medical procedure and didn't even bother with the ambulance. I'm thinking that Dumpty may have rattled a few cages in the government. I don't feel safe sitting on my wall.

Operation Candlestick

Last night, at 2300 hours, General Jack and a squad of troops parachuted into Cambodia and led a insurgent strike that the government aptly denies. From gathering intel, we are told that Jack was nimble and Jack was quick and Jack took out the target known as "Candlestick." I will have more on this report as it uncovers.






Orphanage Abuse Uncovered

- Jack Horner was forced into a corner and forced to eat a plum pie that may have had sedatives in it.
- Reports grow suspicion as to what exactly is in Mother Hubbard's cupboard
-Orphanage nanny denies allegations that mice are running up clocks

Illegal Wool Exports?

Talk about the black sheep of the family; major exporter Baa Baa industries is under report for selling faulty black sheep wool to Iraqians. The CIA (commerce investigation agency) followed the paperwork for this export and found that the wool was being offered to three wealthy buyers: the master, the dame and the little boy that lives down the lane. This has Al-Queda stench all over it.

Senator of Oklahoma Denies He Has Massive OCD

A secretary refutes his denial with the following observations:

-The senator buckles his shoe when he hears the numbers 1 and 2
- The senator shuts the door when the counting continues to 4
- The senator buys firewood and collects it when the number 5 and 6 appears
- The senator feels obligated to set them straight when the counting carries to 8
- And he totures himself by repeating all the above steps when the counting goes to 10


MYTH: Apples do not send any sort of pediatrician away from your presence.

20 Year Vegetarian Streak Broken by the Consumption of Lamb

Mary was an avid vegetarian for twenty years, refusing to eat any meat in her trek. Only recently has she admitted that she "had a little lamb". When asked why she decided to eat the lamb she was reported as saying, "It just kept following me, what choice did I have?" On the plus side Mary has a new white coat with fleece as white as snow.

Tags

humor, sarcasm, fun, movies
entertainment
joy, Christian
Turbo Tagger

Tracking my blog

Feed Shark

Make A Chick Flick

Fill in the blanks to make your own chick flick



In the time of _____A____

A
The great depression
The Great Robot Battles
the 17th century
1985
The Great London Fire



Emmaleigh was a poor _____B_______

B
Taco farmer
Stable Girl
Unstable Girl
Foot Washer
Russian Acrobat
Flower Girl

When she met, Bradley Hotkins, ____C_______

C
The Duke of Ellington
Prince Of Jaspia
A Hot pizza guy
A local nerd
A rich dignitary

Emmaleigh was very shy and her social status made her feel ____D______

D
Gassy
Shy
Destructive
Bloaty
Angered
Silly

So as a way to meet Brad Hotkins, she ___E_______

E
Disguised herself as a midwife in his castle
Entered the WWE and won the women's belt
Challenged a Kodiak to a slap war
Discovered a friendship with an Extra Terrestrial
Joined Al Queda

The plan worked, but Emmaleigh had a quirk that made her noticeable, she had ____F____

F
Severe OCD
No sense of fashion
A Pig nose
Gigantic bug eyes
A severe allergy to flowers
An intense, unhealthy love for toothpicks

All went to chaos when Brad held a party, but Emmaleigh accidentally _____G______

G
Tripped in the punchbowl
killed off his family
Counted in French
Made lemon cake with oranges
Got drunk and threw up on the cat

When Brad found her true identity, he could remember meeting her at a masquerade ball where she told him, " ____H____"

H
I'll never forget you
Are you going to finish that?
Does this make me fat?
I hope you remember me later when I screw up at your party
Would you like to frolic in daisy fields?

Brad knew that she was the one for his life and determined to get her back. He knew that she loved the arts and decided to become ____I______ to get her back

I
A Ballerina
An avid creepy guy
The star of Iron Chef
A poet who could rhyme with orange
A dyslexic Magician

The only problem was Brad's father who hated this union because he was ____J____

J
Part of a royal family
A total jerkface
An Italian
Part of a inner city gang called the Crips
The guy who asks for too many drink refills at Denny's

Brad was torn between the girl he loved and the family that he was born in. In a final act of desperation he ____K_____

K
Spoke his love for her, denying his family
Tap danced to the Peanuts Christmas album
Covered himself in cookie frosting
Marinated his puppy in soy sauce
Fought the Persian army with 300 men
Reunited an Irish town with its roots

Emmaleigh was so stunned by his act of love that she gave him the memento that she promised at the beginning of the movie: ___L______

L
Half of a lock pendant
Three thousand Phillistine Foreskins (Bible reference)
Used cotton balls
Half a Snickers bar she found on the subway
A razor for shaving the back

They united in their love and finally she admitted the one secret she wanted him to know from the beginning, "___M____"

M
I loved you when I first laid eyes on you
I'm pregnant
I see dead people
I've never finished a James Bond film
I have a thing for this Cullen guy.

The movie is called The ____N_____ _____O______

N
Scarlet
Yellow
Half hearted
Melancholy
Beloved
Enchanted
Gaseous
Unbelievable
Christlike
Broken
Romantic

O
Winter
Revenge
Screw driver
Evening
Service
Pimpernel
Obsession
Lover
Desire
Luck
Porta-John


Starring, Julia Roberts as ____P_____

P
The enchanted nanny
The oil tycoon
A fictional character
The cat in the hat
The ballet primadonna who lost her legs in Vietnam

And Keira Knightley as ___Q____

Q
The jealous sister
William Tell
A Werewolf
Twelve children
A Lebanese Pirate


This is one movie you don't want to ___R_____

R
Miss
Go to
forget
love
keep
encourage
fund
eat

The Job Application Form For Grey's Anatomy

Thank you for taking interest in The Grey Anatomy hospital. We pride ourselves in being overly dramatic in everything we do.

1) Please state which gossip you have drilled out of your patients in previous hospitals.



2) When is the proper time to get in a meaningless physical relationship with a doctor or patient (i.e. after surgery, after meetings etc.)?


3) Please list briefly what tactics you have used to butt into the personal lives of your patients



4) Please post a photo of you looking longingly into the camera with your lower lip trembling as you stare off into space.



5) How do you handle the following situations

- A man gets his entire car grill stuck in his left eye


- A doctor refuses to sleep with you spouting some gibberish about being professional


- A fellow employee has the fifteenth "Relationship Defining Talk" with you for the day.


- God forbid, you actually have to act like a doctor


6) Please briefly describe the kind of sappy-hippie music that will be playing int he background as you stare longingly into the distance with your lower lip trembling.



7) What kind of stupid and totally inconsiderate line will you feed to your patients to make their grief go away?



8) Define Ethical and Professional (note: this part of the application is weighed less than the above)




9)Please list the names of any previous doctors, nurses or understudies that you may have slept with in order to prolong a pointless plot.



10) Please describe how you will blow a simple relationship out of proportion

The Perfect Guy Movie

I am making the perfect guy movie and I need your help. Fill in these spaces from the word bank below and we can send our idea into Hollywood.



Our hero, Mack Mcpunch, was just your average _____A______ when his life was changed; the ___B_______ killed his entire _____C______. Due to his unstable mental health, Mack could not handle the pain of his loss and started _______D______. He started to load up on _______E_______ which was owned by his friend the ________F______. Little did his enemies know that Mack wanted _____G_______ and he planned to get it through his secret power of _____H_______.

In one of the hottest action scenes, Mack takes a(n) ______I________ and uses it for a______J_______ causing Fort Knox to explode. In the interrogation scene he makes his captive _____K______ in order to get information. In a stunning twist, Mack learns that his ______L_______ was a mole working for the enemy. This makes Mack a(n) ______M______ in which he needs to clear his name in ____N_______. In the final scene Mack jumps from an exploding _____O_____ grabs the final boss and yells _____P_____. The scene ends with Mack reuniting with his _______Q______ and walking off into the ____R_______.

A
Ex- Marine
Spartan
Cop
Wedding dress maker
Homeless bum

B
Russians
Drug dealers
Cast of Friends
Milk Men
Asian Mafia
Zeus

C
Facebook friend list
Precious moments collection
Homeland
Family Tree starting with Lincoln
Perception on Christmas
List of wives

D
Going crazy
Reenacting Mark Wahlberg movies
Eating ice cream and crying
Having meaningless relationships with super models
Watching reruns of 'Whose the Boss?'
selling used hats

E
Guns
Labrador puppies
Disney memorabilia
Country music
Compassion children

F
Computer hacker
lingerie model
Ben & Jerry's owner
Plumber
Pro Wrestler of Mexico

G
Revenge
A coupon for 1/2 of Pizza
Retribution in full
The true ending to the show Lost
to know if his butt looked big in those jeans

H
Inner Peace
Time Travel
laser vision
Building clocks
Washing a cat in under an hour

I
Uzi
Rake
Umbilical cord
Steak Knife
Hamster Wheel

J
Grenade
Bigger steak knife
Comfy hat
dirty diaper
Helicopter

K
Suffer endlessly
watch American Idol
Eat spam
Burp the Alphabet
Cry to Steel Magnolias

L
Girlfriend
Mailman
Local drug dealer
Third grade sweet heart
Personal lawyer

M
Guilty man
Ex convict
Circus clown
World champion hot dog eater
Member of the AARP

N
Moscow
Litchfield, Minnesota
A Waffle Hut
A Tokyo Rave
A children's dressing room in Sears

O
Truck
Xerxes
Cat
Iceberg
Goat
Old Man

P
"You'll burn for this!"
"If you want to be my lover, first you got to get with my friends"
"Greetings from Hell"
"I have a healthy red cell count, unlike you"
"Now's a great time to consolidate your mortgage loan"
"Then we shall fight in the shade"

Q
Wife
Baby
Cocoa packet
Estranged Mexican Twin
Lawn Caretaker

R
Sunset
Living Room
Explosion
A Tunnel of Love
Ace Hardware Store
A Bear Trap

I am convinced that there is a league of people that is responsible for making Jesus and all his counterparts as white as humanly possible. I am no Bible major (wait, I am) but I am pretty sure that Jesus was Hebrew. Hebrew = olive skin and dark hair.

This picture cracks me up and I can only give it this subtitle: "A hopeful Quigon Jin and Angelina Joelie look over the promise of their new son Richie Rich." Yup, nothing says yuletide like the force, big lips and a rich kid that looks more like a Swedish tennis player.